Discovering Maxie

Thursday, November 17, 2011

In March 2010, I was trying to lose some weight.  I had gained only about 7 pounds but I don't know where they came from and I couldn't get rid of them.  Talking with someone one day, it was suggested that perhaps I was pregnant.  No way!  We hadn't been trying very long at all.  Really, only about a month.  Still, I thought, better to be safe.  So, I stopped at the pharmacy next to my gym after work.  Funny, the pharmacy was in West Hollywood and the pregnancy test I bought was literally the only pregnancy test in the place.  Anyway, that weekend Ted was out of town, on a ski trip in Colorado with friends and I was staying with my mom.  I came home and took the test and it was positive.  Unbelievable!  I didn't feel pregnant.  Whatever that felt like.  I lasted until the next morning before I told my mother but decided to wait until Ted and I were together to tell him in person.  I started to plan it out.  At first I thought maybe I would just leave the pregnancy test out for him to see, and then he would probably look at it and say something like, "Is this what I think it is?" and I would say, "Yes, we are pregnant!" and we would cry out of joy and fall into each others arms.  Or, maybe I would sit him down and say, "I have some wonderful news!".  I really didn't know what to do but I had 3 whole days to think about it.  Every time we spoke that weekend, my heart was pounding out of my chest.  This was the best news in the world and I was dying to tell him.  So, finally, the night came that Ted was to return.  I wasn't sure exactly what time he would be coming home but it seemed like it was getting really late.  Finally he called me from the parking lot at LAX where he had left his car.  The battery was dead.  Since I am in the one with triple A, I suggested that he use my card number.  The customer service person insisted that the card holder be there to show the card, so I jumped in my car and drove out there.  The car was jumped and we both headed back.  By this time, I had worked myself into such a mess.  My whole plan was ruined (now I don't even remember what my plan was).  We came into the house and I started crying.  "What's wrong", he asked, and I just blurted out, "I am pregnant".  Must have been the hormones.  I was so emotional.  "That is wonderful news", he said, and he came over and sat next to me on the bed and hugged me while I cried.  It was just too long to have this secret and not tell him.  I will never forget that night because it was the beginning of the next chapter for us.  A chapter that we knew would change our lives and that we thought would make life better for the rest of our lives.  In fact, Max was the best thing that ever happened in our lives.  I don't think either of us would ever trade one minute that we had with him for all of the money in the world.  The innocence, the love, the bliss of knowing that we were having a baby and would become a family is something we will never feel again, no matter what happens moving forward.  There will always be a huge missing piece.  We will always be missing our baby, Maxie.

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