Saturday, November 5, 2011

I've been here before. Last time I was in this bed, my baby was in a pack and play in the same room. I brought him into bed with Ted and I to play, to nurse, to change. Last time I was here I was a mother, enjoying my little baby, watching my niece fall in love with her cousin. Last time I was here, Teddy was a father, showing his son off to his friends, most of whom already had multiple children of their own. Last time I was here I was happy. This time I lie here alone, while Teddy plays with our niece. This time I am afraid and sad. This time I am no longer a mother, just a woman, a wife, a daughter. This time I am here to memorialize the baby I love. From this time forward, everything is different.


Anonymous said...

Once a mother- always a mother. No "just a woman, wife and daughter" would spend the time you do memorializing, missing, and dreaming of your baby. Once you are in the club, you are never out. There are emotions no one understands like a mother does. Please Please Please remember that even if you don't get the opportunity to "parent" your baby, you will always be a mother to him.
Good luck with this trip....Sending you warm thoughts.
Melissa Rossi

Kimberly Bonheim Birbrower said...

Amen to what Melissa said. You are so much a mother, loving Maxie with all your heart and soul. Every day is filled with new and repeated experiences of missing him and that will never change. You are a mother missing her little one as only a mother could. Thinking of you Abby. xxoo

Anonymous said...

Melissa is absolutely right. You will always be a mother whether Max is with you or not. My heart is breaking for you and Ted and all your pain. I wish I could take it away. Life is so scary and unfair. This is unfair. Everyday I think of you and Ted. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jessica said...

I can't say it any better than the ladies above. You ARE a Mommy. You are, and always will be, Maxie's Mommy. You and Teddy will always be Maxie's parents and you love him fiercely and deeply. You always will. I'm so sorry that you, Mommy and Daddy, are having to face life without beautiful Maxie. Sending all my love and strength your way. xo

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