Memories

Sometimes writing about my Maxie and remembering our sweet times together is more painful than anything.  Last night Ted and I watched a marathon of a show we have been Tivo'ing.  As we sat on our couch for hours, I started to think about dancing around the living room with Maxie.  The most lovely times were on the weekends, when Ted would come in from the outside and join us.  He would wrap his arms around Maxie and I and we would all slowly sway together, feeling the love of our little family, pouring our love into each other and our little boy.  The memory of it, while so tender and sweet, tears my heart apart.  It makes me want to lay down and die.  Sometimes it is easier for me to focus on the day to day hurt of my post- Max life than it is to focus on the sweetness of life with Max.  I don't want to forget one minute of my lovely life with Max.  I don't want to forget one detail of Max.  So, it seems that it is most important that I remember as often as I can - that I transport myself in my mind and heart back to my most wonderful memories.  Those memories that hurt me most now.  The memories of my special baby and our time together.