Heavenly Photos

We are so lucky to have so many photos of Maxie.  We took a lot of them and Tisha did too.  Several times a week I would receive photos of Max from daycare.  They brightened up my day and I immediately sent them to Teddy, G-Ma (Grandma Susanna), Papa Chuck, Grandma L, Prima Sharon, Auntie Beth, Uncle Paul, Gigi and Papa.  I remember a particularly LONG work day about 2 weeks after my maternity leave ended. I missed Max so much, I thought I was going to explode all day long.  I picked some visiting speakers up at the airport early in the morning, we had meetings throughout the day, I took them to the Santa Monica Pier and then we ended the evening in a donor's home.  I started to make my way home around 10pm.  I was pumping every three hours throughout the whole day.  I was actually beside myself with exhaustion, I was missing Max SO much, I was wondering HOW on earth I was going to do this.  Thank goodness, the speakers asked to go back to their hotel to freshen up before our donor reception in the evening.  I took the opportunity to decompress at a local Starbucks.  I had my laptop and opened it up to check email and found a photo of Max, sent from daycare.  It made my WHOLE day.  I started crying in the Starbucks.  Probably a mix a hormones, feelings of inadequacy, and a genuine longing for my child.  I wish g-d would send some photos from heaven.  Unlikely.

* -By the way, if you have already donated on Max's tribute site, I am not suggesting that you donate again.  My "ask" is only for those people who haven't made a contribution.  Eowyn and Greg Gardner have donated like 3 times.  (I love you Buh-ddies!)
* Also, yes, I posted twice yesterday.  Sometimes I have a lot to say.

1 comment

Jenny Romanowski said...

He is such a beautiful perfect boy! Nothing is fair and it is beyond words. You were robbed by something you can not hunt down and bring to justice. Time is the biggest trick of all. In order to get better you must let go when holding on is the one thing keeping you close to Max. God and prayers would make me angry...people would make me angry. I would think waking up and keeping a routine is all you can do now. Max's forest will be beautiful I hope I will see it one day. I will donate this week for his memory! I may not know you but I hope my words are ok..I would not speak with out good intentions and it is hard not to comment. You seem surrounded by people who want to make you better which
must make you crazy. It will never be better but may be different some day. Strength be with you!!