Now you know

If you wondered why I ever left early or didn't come at all, it's because I wanted to be with Max instead.  If you thought it was rude that I left your wedding shower, baby shower, engagement party or wedding early, it's because I wanted to go home and play with my baby.  If you thought I was being selfish about not wanting to put on an event for work that I didn't think had much potential - you were right, I was.  I wanted to be with Max.  If you wondered why I didn't have a good excuse about why I couldn't make your Christmas party, your Halloween party, your Fourth of July party...now you know.  Were you curious why I left book club, or your dinner party before the fun really started?  Now you know.  Remember when you suggested that I bring Max along to go out to eat, get away for the weekend, or meet up at the park?  I was thinking about his naps and his bedtime and that is why I said no.  Maybe you already knew this.  Maybe you didn't understand.  In retrospect, I am more sorry for the time I missed with Max than for the times I said no.  I wish I could turn back the clock and say no to everyone I ever said yes to.  I don't regret doing stuff but I am glad I mostly declined the invitations.  I would give anything for one more hour, one more minute, one more second.  I spend every hour, every minute, every second, wishing I was sitting here watching him sleep or with him in my lap.  Anyway, I've been wanting to explain, so now you know.