Representing and in Solidarity with Ted

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Teddy grew up in Fairfield, CT.  It is a beautiful town with trees everywhere and a lovely beach and quaint stores.  Everywhere you go, you bump into people you know.  The friends that Teddy made growing up in Fairfield are still his very best.  They are an awesome group of down to earth people who like to have fun and are incredibly loyal.  They are all connected and probably more than half of them married other people within the group of friends.  Even though I am an "outsider", I have always felt right at home with the Fairfield crew.

Right after Max died, we heard from so many of Ted's friends.  They sent emails and cards and posted well wishes on Facebook.  A few of them flew out for the funeral and for a night or two of shiva.  You can tell that Ted is a well loved guy in his hometown, as well he should be.  Ted is salt of the earth.  I have felt terribly about the fact that we live in my city, close to my family, near all of my friends.  Not that Teddy complains at all and to be sure, my friends and family have completely embraced Ted.  It's just that when you are going through something this hard, you want to be with the people who know you best.  Ted is a GUY.  He isn't necessarily looking to express his sorrow to his friends either.  He is pretty private (unlike his wife), but being close to the people who you are most comfortable with is comforting.  Ted's friend Chris Barry came to LA for Max's funeral and stayed with us for a few days.  He had never been to LA.  I kept offering him my car to go to the beach or see Hollywood Blvd., but he insisted that wasn't why he came here.  Instead, he cut bushes with Ted on the side of our house and helped keep our kitchen clean.  I know it meant a lot to Teddy.

A couple of weeks ago, Ted got together with a few guys from the high school crew to watch a Giants football game.  I sort of wondered if they were going to talk about Max at all or just not mention him.  Not that they aren't terrific guys, just that guys are guys and they don't talk about uncomfortable stuff.  I know that either way, Teddy was just happy to be in their company, watching football and taking a break from the grieving.  As it went, the guys had gotten together and got Ted this:

 
Guys don't really need to use words to express their feelings.  Ted sent me this photo in a text, I cried.  It is so perfect.  This week has been particularly hard for Teddy (I asked him if it was ok for me to write about him and I think it is ok that I am saying this).  My numbness has been wearing off quicker than his so he is hitting some of the really low points I have been in for weeks.  It breaks my heart seeing him in pain.  I know he feels like he needs to be the strong one.  He is like Atlas, holding the weight of the world on his shoulders.  It is too much.  My husband doesn't deserve any of this.  He is one of the world's best people and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  Yesterday he came home from work and we sat on the couch and he talked about t-shirt sales and Beth's fundraising page and then he signed on to Facebook to show me something.  A bunch of the Fairfield crew had replaced their Facebook profile photos with the new Team Maxie logo.  His friend Kyle replaced his profile photo with a photo of Ted's "Maxie" tattoo.  Guys and girls, both, using representations of Maxie instead of their own photos without even telling Ted they had done it.  By the way, they don't all still live in Fairfield, but none of them live in LA.  I don't know who started it or when it started but it is really special and I know it made Ted feel really supported by his Fairfield peeps from all the way out here in California.  We love you guys!  Thank you.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know you but we have a friend in common. I am so inspired by you although your pain is my worst nightmare. I think and know in my gut every day that I would lose my mind if something ever happened to my children. I have a daughter who is 6 and a son, just 4. I love hearing about how much you enjoyed Maxie when you were together. You sound as though you were never uptight or ungrateful and that is a wonderful thing. I fear that I felt stressed and rushed so much when they were infants and I would love to have that time back but know that I can't. Instead I can learn from you and slow down our lives now and enjoy every minute I have with my children. Hearing your story is unbearable and makes me cry every single time yet I check daily. I think you are smart and taking your unspeakable grief head-on which is the only way you know how. You're an excellent writer and you loved your boy so much. I really admire you and wish we knew each other under very different circumstances. Maxie was the most beautiful and expressive baby I've ever seen. What you are dealing with is not fair and I would do anything for you if I thought it would help ease your pain. I will plant a tree as you ask and respect your beautiful baby. Please keep writing, I know someday you will have joy and I wait for it. It might be years but I hope it will come. Now is too soon...Live in the moment as you did with Max and have no regrets about the time you were together--only the time you are apart. I will stay tuned.

Amy R said...

Abby,

Whoever posted that comment is beautiful. Well said.

XOXO
Amy

Jenny Romanowski said...

I grew up in Fairfield and graduated Ffld high in 1990. I didn't have the pleasure of knowing Ted although a few of my friends husbands did. I have had 95 of my FB friends sign the petition and have posted several links to buy a team Maxie t-shirt or plant o tree. I wish there is more I could do in remembrance of the brightest light I've come to know and love. I read you posts daily and cry and even somtime laugh through my tears! Your writings are beautiful. I pray every night for you and Ted and Maxie. He will for ever be you guardian Angel. Anything I can do to help your cause or raise awareness I am hear listening and waiting! Know how much you are loved even by ones you do not know. May peace( to what extent it can be ) settle over you. Hearts and prayers <3 Jenny Keller Romanowski

Anonymous said...

mission MAXIE is gearing up to be accomplished throughout facebook, Ted and Abby's friends, friends of friends, co-workers. One person will be posting in Hawaii! So glad it has put a smile on your faces. I think of you two often and my heart breaks. Keep writing, I think in the long run it will be a great outlet. xo

Amy R said...

go team maxie!

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