My whole body is sad

Thursday, October 13, 2011

My head feels heavy.  I can barely lift it.  My brain feels like it weighs 1000 pounds.  My face hurts from sagging.  My eyes are dry and bleary.  I cry all day long.  My heart is broken and full of sorrow.  I can feel every beat and that awareness makes me tired.  My lungs strain with each breath.  I can't get a full one.  They just continue on, labored and shallow. Once in a while, I hear myself sigh.  I feel sick to my stomach, like I am always on the verge of throwing up.  My uterus is sad.  There is so much sadness living there now that the baby is gone.  My legs feel like they weren't built to carry me.  My knees might buckle at any minute.  My arms hang down, empty. They have nobody to hold.  Every piece of me feels this sorrow.  Missing Maxie with every piece of my body and soul.

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