Our Spot

If Max were still alive, he and I would be in Costa Rica this week with Prima Sharon, Grandma Susanna, and our friend Rob.  It was a trip that we were SO looking forward to!  It was going to be a trip to celebrate Max's first birthday and a trip for me to have lots of mommy and baby time before I planned to leave for Israel (in case I didn't make it obvious, I am not going to Israel either).  I was really excited to sit on the beach, in our spot, for a week, snuggling, playing, and reading.

The last time Max and I were in Costa Rica with Teddy, Auntie Beth and Sadie, we went down to the beach on our first day there and set up camp right in the spot where Ted and I got married.  I loved the fact that I was relaxing in that exact spot a year and a half later with Maxie.  Everyone did a lot of swimming and playing in the sand.  Max and I mostly sat on the reclining chair, him leaned up against my bent knees and stared at each other, relaxing and making silly faces.

Look at this boy.  He is an angel.  He is in my soul day and night.  I am supposed to be THERE with HIM right now.  NOT sitting here wondering how my beautiful life fell apart.  Will I ever see him again?  Will we meet in heaven?  I am having a hard time with the unknown, but I NEED to kiss this face again.  Until then, I will spend every minute wishing that he and I were sitting together in our spot.