A Re-Enactment of Hell

Ted and I have been watching marathons of our new favorite show.  When we really get into something, we just watch back to back episodes until we either get through the whole series or completely burn ourselves out.  So, we've been doing that with a new show over the past week or so, forgoing everything else on television to keep up with our new favorite characters.

Last night, our protagonist's son died.  It was a sudden and unexpected death, which included parental panic at fearing the worst, hospital scenes and then the agony of the show's parents, realizing that, in fact, the worst had happened.

Watching even a dramatized version of a story so close to ours took our breath away.  We kept watching.  I felt the anxiety rising up from my stomach to my throat.  The numbness that I work SO hard to maintain began to crack.  Our eyes were glued to the television - a reminder that we have been through hell!  We are still IN hell much of the time - even though you may not even see it anymore when you are with us.  You probably are glad to see that we've recovered.  But - I see it.  I see it in Ted and I see it in myself.  We are numb.  Where there was once an abundance of joy and silliness, there is now deep sadness.

We turned off the TV.  "How are we going to survive this?", I asked him.  "We just will", he said.


jessica said...

I am so, so sorry. Sorry that you have been through hell, that you are still in hell and that you have to survive the hell of living without Maxie. It is so heartbreaking and unfair. I love you guys very much. xo

Tiffany said...

i hate when a show can betray us and leave us feeling punched in the gut. it's happened to me on multiple occassions.