Insidious

Last week, our nanny was cleaning off Jakey's face when she noticed something in his mouth.  She called me into the room to show me.  His gum was really swollen in the front.  I can hardly imagine how we hadn't noticed it since the swelling was so bad.  "Maybe he ate something weird?", I said.  "Ya, or maybe he got stung by a bee?", she replied.

I took him in the next day, expecting nothing really.  There is always something with Jakey.  He plays kind of hard.  The veterinarian took one look in his mouth and called the bump a tumor.  "Tumors in the mouth can often be insidious", she said.  "But we can't jump to any conclusions yet, we need to do X-rays and biopsy first".

Insidious - I couldn't help but be reminded of the Ambulance driver telling us that Max's condition looked foreboding.  It meant that our baby was gone.  I knew it as soon as it came out of his mouth.

That was Friday.  The results came in yesterday.  Jakey has cancer.  The kind of tumor he has would best be treated if it were removed, but because of the location of his tumor, it can't be removed without removing the whole front of his face.  They'll probably have to do radiation instead.  She says if things go well, we could have a year or two left with him.  Two would be nice.  A year is already more time than I got to spend with my son.

I love Jake.  I have had MANY pets in my life (I am a pet person - dogs, cats, rabbits, PETS!).  I have never had a bond with a pet the way I have with Jake.  I am obsessed with Jake.  We are tight.  He makes me happy.  He is always up for a snuggle and he is always in a good mood.  His cuddles were a necessary salve on our hearts during the year before Mo was born and both of our babies have loved him so much.   He loves his grandma, swimming, his sister Layla, his cousin dogs (too many to name), and sitting under Mo's chair waiting for dropping food.   I am convinced he helped me to win over Ted, who loves him wildly, and who came into my life only one month after Jakey did.

No, losing a dog won't be like losing my child...but sometimes I just feel like everyone I love is just slipping away.  Our plan now is to spend as much quality time with him as possible with whatever time we have left - go camping, take hikes, go to the dog beach.... continue with his acupuncture & try to make him as comfortable as possible.  Mostly, we want him to know how much he is loved.